google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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