I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
