thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
