she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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