And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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