ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
