Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
