used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
