I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
