I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize