So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
