My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The best revenge is premature balding
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
