I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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