dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
