so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Boobs speak an international language.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
