You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize