bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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