he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
