And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
its liver damage thursday
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
