Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
