I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
