You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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