i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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