who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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