NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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