You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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