fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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