Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
