I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the day after is always just damage control
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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