Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
