I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
