If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
