So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
