It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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