im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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