If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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