Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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