Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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