Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
