Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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