Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
