I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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