Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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