new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
