i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
