I just saw a hot homeless man
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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