My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
