when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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