Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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