I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize