I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
