I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
