Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
