I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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