he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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