I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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