"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
