i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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