No stitches, just platelets and will power
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
