Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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