She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
