Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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