Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
