guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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