she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
