Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
