That's when you crack a 10am beer
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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