Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
