Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
