You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
