she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
