suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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