You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
