I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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