I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize