Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
