I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
