we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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