well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
They took my balls.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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