I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
