WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
