I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize