My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
