But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
