I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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