Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm at about main and main street
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize