fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
