Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
