I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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