Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
