Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
