Will you blow on my dice?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize