Moan for me like Helen Keller
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
