I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
