if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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