we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
