You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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