I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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