Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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