Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
