at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
