why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
