Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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