people are starting to question the shark bite story
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
