That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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