So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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