I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
